12:03 am: Up for my midnight snack of free range momma milks. Not organic, unfortunately because the woman states she cannot afford otherwise. I bet that would change in an instant if they came out with organic Reese’s. IYKWIM
1:47 am: Need a little energy boost to go back to sleep, more momma milks
3:12 am: Was a little parched, momma milks
4:23-6:39 am: Stay with mouth at momma milks tap just in case I decide I need more.
7:00 am: Breakfast, finally! Presented with plate of eggs, fruit, yogurt. Equally distribute food all over myself, furniture, floor. Eat none. When no one is looking steal food from other people’s plates.
7:37 am: Momma milks to wash down breakfast I theoretically ate.
8:35 am: About to leave house. Decide I’m ready to eat previous breakfast. Time to dumpster dive.
9:15 am: Momma milks to recharge me for playgroup.
10:56 am: Crumbs of petrified food found in car seat.
11:12 am: Elevensies momma milks
12:15 pm: Lunch. The woman orders me steamed broccoli and grilled chicken that we discreetly, mutually agree I will pretend to eat knowing 75% of the food I consume will be french fries.
1:30 pm: More momma milks, just cause.
1:45 pm: Baby food pouch, organic. Probably to buy off the guilt of the Frito laced momma milks I just consumed.
3:59 pm: Treat myself to more momma milks, because I deserve it.
5:16 pm: I like to carb load before dinner so cause utter destruction to all food in pantry until I locate Cheerios.
6:31 pm: Dinner, just decided to become a pescatarian 5 minutes ago so refuse all dinner and eat only goldfish crackers.
7:07 pm: Dessert, three tenths of a granola bar and two raisins I locate at the bottom of the diaper bag.
7:30 pm: 13oz of bath water and momma milks that may or may not hold me over until midnight.